*Sigh* Sometimes I wonder

This week, and last, have been good. Honestly. Just sometimes I struggle to find joy in day to day life. I don't know why. One thing I was really excited about was working at church. We opened the new venue, Sanctuary, last weekend, and I managed CG for the first two hours. Leo sounded so impressed! I really liked the message too. It's odd but the services seem to go by faster when you're working... In any case, I got frustrated with Haruhi at school last week, then realized my mistake and apologized so much, because not even pride can hold a candle to the misery of knowing that you're on bad terms with a friend. Thats the worst feeling in the world. I'm glad its all fixed, then again she's so ridiculously forgiving. But I love her for it. :)
Still I see everyone every morning and I don't feel connected. My most plugged-in time of the day is 5th period when me, Kyo-mom, and Bella have study hall. Then I feel like I'm not really alone. Otherwise, I do. It doesn't seem to matter that I know everyone in all of my classes. I still feel lonely. And now I'm crying and don't know why.

In other news, I got a response from Washington University in St. Louis: wait-listed. Though since it's not a rejection, I still feel pretty good about it! Just waiting for the other few....

Good grief my life is so complicated. I love Seussical, and the family it gives me, but at the same time it almost makes the loneliness more palpable.
I just really don't know what to do.